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01
So we bought a new house. This house has a nice gas fireplace and the exhaust was tucked neatly away near the back door. The problem was, the little nook appeared to be a perfect place for birds to nest because of the protection of the roof and heat from the fireplace.
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02
August 2014: The first time I noticed the little guys, they caught me off guard, but thought nothing of it. They were just trying to keep warm, I figured. They startled easily and flew away whenever I would walk in/out of my back door, which scared the shit outta me. At first I ignored it, but they started shitting and building a nest INSIDE the exhaust.
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03
March 2015: Next spring, I decided to wrap the exhaust in chicken wire (Iteration 1). I was proud of the tidy, little wrap I did, patted myself on the back and figured that was it...
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04
May 2015: Apparently it wasn't. They found a nice little crevice on top of the exhaust to build a neat, little nest. Ok fine. No babies, so nest is gone. Easy enough.
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05
The bird came back the very next day. Cleared it out and they didn't seem to come back for the rest of the season. Awesome!
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06
May 2016: ???
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07
Ok this is getting fucking annoying. So I added bird spikes on top (Iteration 2) which I figured would keep them out for good. NOPE. Those little fucks came back with a vengeance. It not only didn't keep them away, but the spikes seemed to stabilize their nest. This time they brought coloured twine! I cleaned out the nest, next day they came back with more blue twine. Cleaned it out, and THEY CAME BACK AGAIN WITH MORE GODDAMNED TWINE.. They must have had a fuckin' stock pile somewhere.
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08
June 2016: HA! You want to f*ck with me? Fine... MORE BIRD SPIKES, BITCHES! (Iteration 3) No way they'll build anything no---
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09
May 2017: f*ck.
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10
July 2017: f*ck f*ck f*ck
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11
No more fucking around... Wrapped the entire opening at the top. (iteration 4)
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12
I'm smarter than you, bitc---
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May 2018: what the absolute f*ck??! HOWWWW???!! So apparently, I left a small opening on the right side. Those birds were flying up into their now high-end GATED FUCKING COMMUNITY!
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May 2018: (iteration 5) Meet Dr. Who. He scared the hell out of those birds and they haven't been back since.
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July 2018: (Iteration 6) annndd closing the gap on the right side just for good measure. They gave me a run for my money and it's not pretty, but after 4 years, lots of bird shit and 6 iterations, I think this will be the final one. If I see them back next year, I may just give in and try to charge them rent.
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